THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION

True story. It really happened today.

Sophie phoned.

Who is Sophie?

“It’s nothing to worry about……… I’m from “The Surgery”

What surgery? asked The Witch Doctor (wondering if it was to discuss a patient).

“Dr X’s surgery - your GP’s practice.”

“It’s nothing to worry about…….”

It’s nothing to worry about…….. Twice.

Now a worried witch. What’s happened? Who’s dead? Had someone in my family been killed in a car crash and the only information they had on their possession was the GP ’s phone number.

Slight palpitations.

I knew it was nothing to do with my own health, because, as outlined in a previous posting, The Witch Doctor only attends the GP’s surgery about twice a century.

So, matters concerning The Witch Doctor’s health are largely known only to The Witch Doctor.

Who is The Witch Doctor’s GP, anyway?

“Sorry to bother you. We are just updating our records.”

Mmm.

THIS PHONE CALL IS TAXPAYER’S MONEY!

“Do you smoke?”

I’m not telling you.

“Silence” then “OK”

You are following a government dictat that I don’t approve of. I know, I know, its something that has to be done nowadays. But since I don’t approve of the dictat, I’m not participating. I’m not telling you if I smoke or not. You’ll have to guess. (Spoken a bit more pleasantly than that. I think. I hope.)

“That’s all right then.”

Sophie was very nice and friendly. I wondered if she was going to ask me anything else. How many chocolates I ate, how much fruit, how much exercise. The answer would have been the same. I wonder if I had told her if she would have invited me to attend for an MOT.

The Witch Doctor’s body like an old 1920’s automobile that just keeps spluttering on without an MOT.

But unlike the old car, the Witch Doctor at the moment is allowed out of the garage.

Soon it will be illegal to have a body without an MOT certificate.

TURQUOISE SMOKE FLOATING AROUND THE WITCH DOCTOR’S LUNGS

N.B. The Witch Doctor once smoked half a cigarette. It was carefully cut down the middle with a sharp knife, and shared with a friend. It was turquoise in colour and it came from the USA. American designer cigarettes. We could have chosen red, yellow, blue, pink, purple or green. We chose the turquoise one. The only turquise one. We stole it from a packet in a drawer in the middle of the night. The theft was well planned. We went up into the attic at 2.00am to smoke it and we opened a window so the smell of smoke did not linger. To this day no-one knows about the vanishing turquoise cigarette. Who would ever have thought the revelation would take place on something called the INTERNET on a BLOG all these year later?

Just because The Pied Piper job-share and the The Great NHS Plan get under The Witch Doctor’s skin so much.

So, The Witch Doctor is a smoker.

But The Witch Doctor has never smoked another cigarette, cigar, pipe, shiroot, of any colour, size or shape since.

Never ever.

Since the age of ten.

(Sophie probably assumes The Witch Doctor is a smoker since The Witch Doctor won’t tell. Wonder which box Sophie ticked?)

P.S. The Witch Doctor is such a cow! A contrary cow! An easily irritated cow.

Maybe today I’ll have another demi-cigarette! The second.

A purple one!

a red apple ……………………

The Witch Doctor - Link to a random page

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LINK TO UK MISSING KIDS WEBSITE

LINK TO MISSING PERSONS WEBSITE

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