Posted by: Witch Doctor | March 9, 2008

The ferret is worried about your colon

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THE FERRET IN FULL SWING

Thank goodness The Ferret has come up from the coal face, has had a bath, and is in full swing.

There seems to be a problem about colons sinking down into the feet.

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KEEPING FEET IN A SAFE POSITION

The ferret is concerned that the colon is injured when walking about.

It’s probably better to stay in bed or walk on your hands.

Or even crawl about…..

Do you suppose it’s also possible to trip over your colon and break your neck, My Black Cat?

I suppose The Polyclinics of the future could tackle the problem at £70 a time.

redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

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Responses

Interestingly, one of our patients is a neuraesthenic young man who has fallen into the clutches of Private Medicine for investigation of his Irritable Bowel (Also had normal exercise ECG, ECHO etc etc). In the course of being passed around from Consultant to Consultant, he was seen and colonoscoped by Lord Darzi (privately). No surprises for guessing that the colonoscopy was normal but what was interesting was that the young man revealed to Lord D that he was having colonic irrigation regularly and did the Lord/Professor have an opinion on this. Lord D in his letter to us says that he had no opinion either way on colonic irrigation! - perhaps he has a future in the weasel world of politics!!

By: GP on March 10, 2008
at 6:29 pm

Thanks for visiting, GP

I think he’s already there!

If Polyclinics run by private companies are to survive they’ll need to make some income somewhere - it won’t all be in the transfer of taxpayers money from the NHS. That won’t be enough to satisfy the shareholders. Lord Darzi knows this, for sure.

No doubt in the proposed polyclinics, all kinds of dubious therapy rooms will sit side by side the Medical (sorry, HCP consulting rooms) and the patients with money in their pockets will happily spend it.

There are many nurses and a few doctors with blind faith in magic. If you go in to “Rosanna’s” website link in the Telegraph article you find she has degree in pharmacology, for goodness sake! And lots and lots of clients are believers. Very lucrative indeed!

The question is, will doctors sell their souls to the devil and connive with this? This Witch Doctor fears some will.

By: witchdoctor on March 10, 2008
at 10:17 pm

Dear WitchDoctor

You have uncanny powers! Many of us have already received letters from “Virgin Healthcare” inviting us to collaborate with them. They are proposing letting convential GPs work in Virgin Healthcare buildings as normal GMS GPs. The buildings would also contain complementary therapists etc - and GPs could share in the profits of the organisation as a whole. Ethics currently being debated - but undoubtedly will go ahead. Would also make sense for the private companies bilding Polyclinics to have a suite of private rooms for GPs. Most patients with sufficient income would prefer to see “their” (private) GP than go through the vagaries of polyclinic HCPs and salaried GPs on short term contracts.

By: GP on March 11, 2008
at 3:43 pm

The Witch Doctor has often considered how easy it would be to become a very, very, very rich Witch. Not by using The Book of Spells and The Cauldron, of course, because these are old fashioned, a bit scary, and not politically correct.

No, The Witch Doctor would have a beautifully designed consulting suite in a good area of town or maybe even a few towns, where many clients (not patients) live. The “medicine” would be a variant of say “Bach Flower Remedies” since this would appeal to the female variety of The Humankind who are rather more crazy than the males when it comes to alternative therapy.

The place would be pristine and there would be fresh flowers everywhere. And there would be a peaceful physic garden (organic) for clients to walk around.

For good measure, The Witch Doctor would do something most of the alternative practitioners cannot do - throw in a good helping of some sound medicine too when required. And even make a decent diagnosis every now and then. That would put The Witch Doctor’s practice, head and shoulders above the other alternative practitioners.

So, doctors, if they were so inclined could cream off the alternative medicine market for themselves without any help at all from Richard Branson.

But they don’t.

Why not? Probably for the same reason that The Witch Doctor is not a rich witch.

It is dishonest, because members of the medical profession are educated in these matters and know better.

Doctors sooner or later would rightly lose the respect of their patients (not clients).

It would be the end of medicine as a profession.

If GPs become the bed-fellows of the cranky brigade in these polyclinics, it is the end of medicine as a profession.

There is no doubt about that!

So we witches are watching the GP’s very carefully on the matter of polyclinics.

There, I feel better now!

By: witchdoctor on March 11, 2008
at 8:02 pm

I sure hope my feet don’t trip over my colon… lol

By: Colon on March 19, 2008
at 1:51 am

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