Posted by: Witch Doctor | September 17, 2007

The NHS Pantry



We witches are all supported by our spells.

Casting spells is a bit like cooking. You need to have all the ingredients handy. It’s a bit of a pest if you are in the middle of brewing a spell and one vital ingredient is missing. So, the best witches have meticulous pantries of prepared spells and bottles of the various ingredients required for future spells. All labelled in witchspeak. The pantries don’t need to be very large. Mine is a just a kind of walk in cupboard – hardly big enough for swinging My Black Cat by the tail. The contents of our Spell Pantries are dangerous and valuable. All witches’ spell pantries are kept locked with seven strong locks and seven keys. That is why you can sometimes hear jingling coming from the sky. You look up but don’t see anything of course. The jingling lets you know a witch clutching a bunch of seven keys is flying above on a broomstick.

As well as The Book of Spells we also have a The Log Book and all the witches have a stock-taking session every year on the 1st of January at 2.00 am just after the New Year witching hour celebrations. After the stock taking sessions we auction our spare or unwanted spells. Sometimes we find there is something very coveted in our pantries that all the other witches want. That way, a poor witch can become a rich witch. The New Year Spell Auction is a means of incentivising (a Blue Bottle Spell) ourselves to create better and better spells.

It looks as though the NHS has a kind of Spell Pantry too. Not spells of course, but consultants. Not consultants who doctor. Consultants who help doctor’s doctor. Well, presumably that’s what they do. Maybe not. Who knows?

Anyway, The Witch Doctor has become a bit amused by the NHS Pantry that contains varieties of consultant ingredients instead of spell ingredients.

The Witch Doctor thinks the NHS Consultancy Pantry is a bit of a White Elephant.

The Witch Doctor is unsure whether anything useful ever comes out of this particular pantry.

The Witch Doctor may be wrong about this.

But we witches are seldom wrong.

The Witch Doctor – Link to a random page

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