Posted by: Witch Doctor | April 9, 2008

Profit from the cranks?


It seems like a good time to tell the World Wide Web why The Witch Doctor is not a rich witch.

A while ago The Witch Doctor wrote this in response to a reader’s comment.

“The Witch Doctor has often considered how easy it would be to become a very, very, very rich Witch. Not by using The Book of Spells and The Cauldron, of course, because these are old fashioned, a bit scary, and not politically correct.

No, The Witch Doctor would have a beautifully designed consulting suite in a good area of town or maybe even a few towns, where many clients (not patients) live. The “medicine” would be a variant of say “Bach Flower Remedies” since this would appeal to the female variety of The Humankind who are rather more crazy than the males when it comes to alternative therapy.

The place would be pristine and there would be fresh flowers everywhere. And there would be a peaceful physic garden (organic) for clients to walk around.

For good measure, The Witch Doctor would do something most of the alternative practitioners cannot do – throw in a good helping of some sound medicine too when required. And even make a decent diagnosis every now and then. That would put The Witch Doctor’s practice, head and shoulders above the other alternative practitioners.

So, doctors, if they were so inclined could cream off the alternative medicine market for themselves without any help at all from Richard Branson.

But they don’t.

Why not? Probably for the same reason that The Witch Doctor is not a rich witch.

It is dishonest, because members of the medical profession are educated in these matters and know better.

Doctors sooner or later would rightly lose the respect of their patients (not clients).

It would be the end of medicine as a profession.

If GPs become the bed-fellows of the cranky brigade in these polyclinics, it is the end of medicine as a profession.

There is no doubt about that!

So we witches are watching the GP’s very carefully on the matter of polyclinics.”

There, I feel better now!

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  1. Yes, I was wondering some of the same things, Witch Doctor.

    As I posted over on Dr Rant when Dr Peverley in Pulse was having a pop at homeopaths:

    “Here’s a suggestion (from my admittedly non-doctor though medical spouse perspective).

    Virgin Health polyclinics, I read, are going to offer “add-on” health-related services, all under one shiny roof. This will no doubt include all sort of nonsensical “complementary” therapies, given their popularity and excellent profit margins. The latest rumour was that the GPs there will be on a profit-share from all the other services.

    So the perfect solution offers itself: all patients who want to exercise their choice by embracing magic will gravitate to Virgin Polyclinics where they can be seemlessly transferred to friendly Snake Oilers of all stripes. GPs who are happy to use sympathetic magic as well as medicine can staff the Branson Centres.

    And saner [doctors] …can get on with treating the less deluded.

    Satisfied customers all round.”

  2. Thanks for visiting again, Dr Aust.

    Yes, I think the profit share that is being proposed by Virgin for GP’s is 10%. Wonder if they share any loss too?

    During a rare benevolent moment, the thought creeps into The Witch Doctor’s mind that this government may be altruistic after all. Perhaps they are robbing the rich (clients) to pay for the poor (patients). Perhaps Mr Blair, Mr Millburn, and now Mr Brown are triple job-share reincarnations of Robin Hood.

    Perhaps they know that some doctors will creep into the “sympathetic magician” role without any qualms. And they will be right about that.

    One of Robin Hood’s roles will be to create a market for magic. This activity is gathering momentum.

    Of course, in the first instance, the money spinning magic won’t be too crazy – indeed it may not be alternative at all. Expensive doctors with credibility will be sought after in the first instance before the magic begins.

    See article in yesterday’s “Times” linking Boots with “Dr Botox” – who seems to be a well-established dermatologist.


    You will recollect a previous Secretary of State for Health is also giving a helping hand to Boots.

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