Posted by: Witch Doctor | February 3, 2009

Fifty letters and A Great Big Party

witch10.jpg

The Witch Doctor is always The Helpful One.

I am passing on My Black Cat’s “good idea.”

Below, I have given you the skeleton of a letter you can use so that any problems you encounter within the NHS can be resolved immediately.

If you are a member of staff within the NHS, remember your line manager has very little influence. Nor does anyone else on the line. You see, in reality the line is not a management structure at all – it is a dangling string controlling lots of puppets.

So there’s no use complaining to them.

If you are a patient in the NHS, remember many of the staff are so busy filling in compulsory tick boxes, or going round and round in circles doing the 360 degree appraisal thing or attending facile Skills Courses in the futile hope that some day they might skip up the Skills Escalator, that they are like headless chickens during the remainder of the time they have left to do The Real Work.

So there’s no use complaining to them.

You need to speak to whoever is holding the strings and making the puppets dance.

Here they are. Fifty of them. The most influential and powerful people in the NHS today. There is no doubt about this. They have even had A GREAT BIG PARTY to celebrate their influence.

They will get things done.

You don’t have A GREAT BIG PARTY for people who don’t get things done.

Do you?

Write to every single one of them if you have a problem.

50 separate letters.

To each and every one.

My Black Cat thinks this powerful team will happily solve your problem.

Your Name
Your Address
Your Postal Code
UK

Put the recipient’s name here
Number …….. of The Top 50 Most Influential People in the NHS today
c/o Health Service Journal,
Emap Limited
Greater London House
Hampstead Road
London NW1 7EJ

The date here

Dear Lord Darzi, David Nicholson, Alan Johnson, Mark Britnell, Mike Richards, Sir Bruce Keogh, Sir Michael Rawlins, Andrew Lansley, Bill Moyes, David Behan, Steve Smith, Ben Bradshaw, Sally Davies, Sir Graeme Catto, Andy McKeon, David Flory, Andrew Dillon, Chris Brinsmead, Hamish Meldrum, Don Berwick, Bob Ricketts, Dame Carol Black, Dominic Hardy, Cynthia Bower, David Fillingham, Nick Timmins, Steve Bundred, Paul Dacre, Mike Farrar, Anna Walker, Neil Hunt, Sir Liam Donaldson, Sir Robert Naylor, Baroness Young, Niall Dickson, Stephen Thornton, Jeremy Heywood, Martin Roland, Malcolm Lowe-Lauri, Steve Field, Kevin Barron, Greg Beales, Peter Carter, Alwen Williams, Sian Thomas, Lord Carter, Hugh Taylor, Sir George Alberti, Gordon Hextall, Helen Bevan,

RE: YOUR WORRIES OR COMPLAINT OR OPINION HERE

I am writing to you since you are one of the 50 most influential people in the NHS today.

Firstly, may I congratulate you on your achievement and say how delighted I am to have found people who really can help me with my problem.

Body of your letter here……….

I look forward to hearing from you on this urgent matter.

Yours sincerely,

YOUR SIGNATURE HERE

Alternatively, you may wish to write to the most influential person in the NHS and send copies to the other 49. Or you may write to them all individually and send copies to the remainder.

Please yourself.

Here is the alternative draft letter.

Your Name
Your Address
Your Postal Code
UK

Lord A Darzi
Number 1 of The Top 50 Most Influential People in the NHS today
c/o Health Service Journal,
Emap Limited
Greater London House
Hampstead Road
London NW1 7EJ

The date here

Dear Lord Darzi,

RE: YOUR WORRIES OR COMPLAINT OR OPINION HERE

I am writing to you as one of the 50 most influential people in the NHS today.

Firstly, may I congratulate you on your achievement and say how delighted I am to have found people who really can help me with my problem.

Body of your letter here……….

I look forward to hearing from you on this urgent matter.

Yours sincerely,

YOUR SIGNATURE HERE

cc
David Nicholson, Alan Johnson, Mark Britnell, Mike Richards, Sir Bruce Keogh, Sir Michael Rawlins, Andrew Lansley, Bill Moyes, David Behan, Steve Smith, Ben Bradshaw, Sally Davies, Sir Graeme Catto, Andy McKeon, David Flory, Andrew Dillon, Chris Brinsmead, Hamish Meldrum, Don Berwick, Bob Ricketts, Dame Carol Black, Dominic Hardy, Cynthia Bower, David Fillingham, Nick Timmins, Steve Bundred, Paul Dacre, Mike Farrar, Anna Walker, Neil Hunt, Sir Liam Donaldson, Sir Robert Naylor, Baroness Young, Niall Dickson, Stephen Thornton, Jeremy Heywood, Martin Roland, Malcolm Lowe-Lauri, Steve Field, Kevin Barron, Greg Beales, Peter Carter, Alwen Williams, Sian Thomas, Lord Carter, Hugh Taylor, Sir George Alberti, Gordon Hextall, Helen Bevan

As long as the bulk of your letter is on a serious matter and is presented in a sensible and measured way, My Black Cat is sure this will work.

What else could these people do but pay attention to an unpleasant or potentially lethal Patient Experience and then deal with the matter?

And then you can measure the outcome of their activity and report back to them one by one.

I’m more than happy to pass on this message for you, My Black Cat.

But can you really see Dame Carol Black and Sir Liam Donaldson, distributing the bedpans in a timely manner to demonstrate incontinent patients are not incontinent after all, peeling the banana placed in front of a hemiplegic patient who is losing weight, or doing a Kim and Aggie in the shower rooms of immuno-compromised patients to remove the little toadstool that has set up home there beside the aspergillus?

I think not, My Black Cat.

It is The Delegators who win awards.

The ones who say:

“I want, I want, I want…………… ”

Nothing will happen, My Black Cat. The team of fifty will just point The Finger of Blame at everyone else.

And The Puppets will dance up and down.

redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

The Witch Doctor – Link to a random page

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LINK TO UK MISSING KIDS WEBSITE

LINK TO MISSING PERSONS WEBSITE

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