Posted by: Witch Doctor | October 5, 2009

The Tories are pottering about with eBay


Mr Cameron, I hear you are entering the eBay scene late in the day!

(Or is it Mr Lansley, My Black Cat?  Who cares – lets go straight to the top man!)

Now, Mr Cameron, you may find this difficult to believe, but this ancient witch is The Witch Queen of eBay!

She was probably buying and selling stuff on eBay when you were just a boy in short pants.

Because The Witch Doctor has bought and sold lots of stuff on eBay, she has lots and lots of feedback.


The Witch Doctor has 100% feedback.

Do you know what this means?

It means that this witch has learned to work the system so nobody ever gives her bad feedback.

That’s right. The Witch Doctor NEVER gets bad feedback.

She has never had less than 100% feedback for any transaction.

Not Ever.

Let me tell you, Mr Cameron, just a few ways how to work the system so you get 100% feedback.



1. Your little corner of the eBay world should look either clean and business-like or beautifully artistic but in an understated way. Unless you are very clever and know exactly what you’re doing don’t use Flash or any form of animation. There should be nothing tacky about the design even if you are selling tacky goods. THIS MAKES YOU SEEM PROFESSIONAL.

2. You need a decent digital camera. Lots of excellent quality photographs of the wares you are selling are essential. Any flaw in the goods you are selling should be demonstrated in a close up photograph. You should describe the flaw in detail. If there is no flaw just pretend there is one. THIS MAKES YOU SEEM HONEST.

3. Start the bids at a low price. THIS MAKES YOU SEEM FAIR

4. Wrap the goods up beautifully as if it is a birthday present for someone very special. THIS MAKES YOU SEEM CARING

5.  Post them to the buyer the day after the auction ends. THIS MAKES YOU SEEM PUNCTUAL

Now, The Witch Queen of eBay may the most unprofessional, dishonest, unfair, uncaring and always late eBayer in the world, but nobody will know.

If you keep up this act until you have say 1000 positive feedbacks, each one 100% then everyone will be thronging around your auctions willing to buy.

Then, if you are crooked you can strike! You sell a ruby that belonged to Queen Elizabeth 1, or a piece of moon rock or a genuine Cezanne and everyone will believe you!

People can act the part Mr Cameron.

Even dangerous people.

Patients were keen to have Dr Shipman as their GP.

He would have had excellent patient feedback.

And Mr Cameron, just a whisper in your ear…….

Both sellers and buyers give feedback on eBay.

It works both ways.

Patients about individual doctors.

Doctors about individual patients.

Both ways….

Eh?  Mr Cameron.

PS In case you have nothing to sell but instead you want tips on how you can get 100% feedback as a BUYER then just drop My Black Cat a line, Mr Cameron.

She may or may not reply.

(Actually, My Black Cat, eBay sellers and buyers are much more sensible than we are making out, but since Mr Cameron and Mr Lansley are turning somersaults in the political circus ring in an attempt to attract votes, they won’t listen to proper advice about how patients with any wits are quite able to make their own judgments about doctors without the machinations of politicians)

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