Posted by: Witch Doctor | October 30, 2009

Spit it out, Mr Einstein!


You could say The Witch Doctor grew up in a nutty environment. Her mother loved nuts and she ate some nearly every day. Not the mamsy-pamsy shelled nuts you buy nowadays in little packets. She would buy big paper bags full of almonds,  hazelnuts, walnuts and brazil nuts with their shells still on and crack them open with The Old Nutcracker.

And there were peanuts of course.

Peanuts were they easy ones to crack. The reason they were easy is that they are not nuts at all. They live in pods, not shells. This is because peanuts are of the pea, bean, lentil and lupin family. The Witch Doctor didn’t know that then. Her mother didn’t know that either. We just thought they were nuts with fragile shells.


Sometimes The Old Nutcracker was misplaced in our untidy house and then the nuts were wrapped in a newspaper and  broken with a hammer.

A more interesting way, though, was to find a door to break them.

If you don’t know how to break a nut in a door, then I’m not going to tell you. Just work it out! The Witch Doctor has been doing it since she was five years old!

If you don’t know how to break a nut in a door, it is probably because you were brought up in a tidy house where doors were not to be meddled with, and there was a place for everything and everything was in its place.

Poor thing!


Although The Witch Doctor became an expert at cracking nuts at a very young age, she never ate them.

Absolutely never!

She hated nuts.

She still does.

Mark you, she will happily eat nuts concealed in cooking or baking as long as the are well ground up and well hidden, but she would never dream of eating a whole nut (or a peanut for that matter).

She wouldn’t even eat a chocolate bar with whole nuts in it!


Well, she might eat all the chocolate round about the nuts and leave the nuts in an unhygienic pile somewhere.

Or feed them to the birds.

The reason The Witch Doctor avoids nuts is simple. It’s nothing to do with the taste. In fact, she quite likes the taste. Once she has chewed, and chewed, and chewed a nut it seems to float around inside her mouth and never seems to reach a consistency that is suitable for swallowing.

So she spits it out!

Since spitting is frowned upon nowadays, she refrains from eating nuts.

We witches never demonstrate bad manners!


It is at this point, The Witch Doctor feels she must confidently disagree with Albert Einstein.

“When I read philosophy I have the feeling of chewing on something that is not there to swallow.


Philosophy, Mr Einstein, is more like a great big nut. It’s there all right, and you can if you want indulge yourelf in an awful lot of chewing, but it never reaches the correct consistency to swallow.

Best to spit it out!

Or, if mannerly, don’t put it in your mouth in the first place!

Yes, My Black Cat, philosophy and nuts have much in common.

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redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

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