Posted by: Witch Doctor | April 25, 2010

The Witch Doctor is a bigot


So, they are convinced they have found a bigot in The Foreign Office. Furthermore, they considered this to be the most important item on the news this morning.

Can they not work it out, My Black Cat?

Bigot or just a clown, are they so stupid that they do not know there are bigots everywhere? Political correctness just drives bigots underground. In our vast wisdom collected from centuries of experience of life, My Black Cat and I have found that those who appear most indignant about political correctness are often those most smitten by the festering bigotry that has been driven into the gutters, the sewers and the very bowels of the Earth, but still remains.

The Witch Doctor, of course, is a bigot.

She knows she is a bigot because she has a strong aversion to body piercing and tattoos. She “judges” people who are tattooed and body pierced. Unknown to them, people who are body pierced and tattooed send out all sorts of subliminal scary vibes to The Witch Doctor. She finds pierced tongues particularly scary. Now, it is probably politically incorrect to admit to this bigotry, but she is just being honest.

Generally we witches think honesty is a good thing.

Most bigots are not honest. They may become very vocal in their “revulsion” of bigotry, always say the politically correct thing and ensure that everyone around them does too, but their own bigotry festers in the shadows. So it is necessary to look for other signs of bigotry in these people. This is easy for witches because we have The Book of Spells, but it can be very difficult for humans to detect these dishonest bigots.


In spite of her bigotry, The Witch Doctor sometimes quite likes some of the people she meets with tattoos and body piercing and she even makes small allowances for them although her bigotry tells her otherwise. Nevertheless, being an honest soul, The Witch Doctor tells these people she is a bigot on these matters. Never, for example, would she allow a body-pierced or tattooed member of The Humankind into her Spell Pantry. That would be ridiculous.

She tells them so.  This is what she says:

“For pity’s sake, I see you have your tongue pierced! You’re scaring me witless and I won’t have you in my Spell Pantry, since I don’t know what other ridiculous mischief you’ll be up to next. Spell Pantries are far too dangerous for the likes of you.”

Come to think of it, we wouldn’t allow ANY member of The Humankind into our Spell Pantry.

I suppose, if the truth be told, we witches are bigoted against most of The Humankind.

Aren’t we, My Black Cat?

And we tell them so, as we are doing now: for we are not closet bigots.

Anyway, there is a very deep-rooted reason why The Witch Doctor dislikes body piercing and tattoos so much. It is probably related to something that happened to The Witch Doctor quite a long time ago. It is quite a funny story really. Funny for others that is, but not for The Witch Doctor. Some people think it is so funny that they remember about it after all these years. This is why The Witch Doctor can’t tell you about it. The Witch Doctor is probably the only person in the world that this very funny thing has ever happened to. That makes her unique. The uniqueness means that her identity might be revealed if she told the very funny story.

And that would never do.

In the meantime, just assume The Witch Doctor is a bigot on these matters and that there is a very good reason for this bigotry.

Now, The Witch Doctor can’t make up her mind whether she is bigoted on another matter too.

She might be.


It is to do with ties.

The bits of cloth men wear round their necks.

Or did until recently.

Of course, they are a Health Hazard. They say they are responsible for the spread of MRSA. And in certain circumstances they can become a noose.

But we witches just regard them a decorative personality detector.

In the past we witches used The Tie or The Lack of Tie to tell us much about the wearer. We looked at The Tie or The Lack of Tie even before we looked at The Eyes.


Now we are conturbed and perfounded. Ties are being cast aside. They wear suits. But no ties. How eccentric is that?

Neck ties are fast becoming things of the past.

Ties will soon become valuable collectable items and so we witches are collecting them. We are gathering as many as we can from charity shops, eBay, skips, dustbins, jumble sales so we become rich way down the line.

The fact that ties are no longer being worn, however, is making life slightly difficult for witches in getting the measure of the beings who used to wear them. Out of necessity, we witches are now being forced to redefine our initial assessment of the male of the species.

We can assess some males perfectly well even if they wear the rather bizarre combination of a shirt without a tie underneath a formal suit jacket.

It is bizarre – but we witches can work it out.

As a consequence, we have identified an important subgroup of the male species of The Humankind.

The Posers.

Yes – there is a lot of posing going on just now as the middle-aged and older end of the spectrum are trying so hard to be seen to be Thoroughy Modern Members of the Macho Male Humankind as they flaunt this conundrum of clothing which mixes the formal and the informal in such an outlandish way.

Few of them achieve the nonchalant presence of the tie-less Einstein.

We witches are now having to focus on shirts instead of ties.



You’ll remember Pyjama Man?

Of course you do!

Here is another different kind of Pyjama Man


Listen to what he has to say.

And consider what his absent tie tells you, in a man who wears his suit jacket so confidently on top of his pyjama jacket.

If you are very, very sharp, you might even spot a Subtle Intertwinglement.

But I doubt it.

If you do, it probably means you are a witch.

A bigoted witch.

And now, today, what do we find?

Gordon Brown is prancing about without a tie.

On the Sabbath!

For pities sake, whatever next?

Leave that to David Cameron and Nick Clegg!

It is not for you, Gordon.

Gravitas, please!

The Witch Doctor has told you before not to listen to the spinners around you.

redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

The Witch Doctor – Link to a random page





© Dlundin |


  1. I’ll never get those minutes back…when Pyjama Kellner is on about how the TV screens in front of patients’ beds are an unused feedback resource, it did remind me of the iwantgreatcare site you wrote about a while back. I am sure patients would wish to behave as good citizens and be delighted take an active part in their care and the proper allocation of resources by giving feedback from their beds. Lots of jobs for feedback monitoring type people too of course.

  2. […] And they say politicians are putting their ties on. […]

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