Posted by: Witch Doctor | April 19, 2011

Dave, will you listen to a witch?


It seems to The Witch Doctor that The Royal Wedding is about two things.

1. A very personal bond between two ordinary people.

2. Pageantry surrounding two people who will never be able to enjoy being ordinary, because they have an extraordinary job to do.

Now, we witches like pageantry because it helps take our minds off the grim realities of life (yes, you close-to-government-buddies who hang out with “Action for Happiness” and “Dying Matters” … please believe a witch when she tells you that life and death can be very, very grim!).

The Witch Doctor is also a Royalist because although she regards The Royal Family as ordinary people with ordinary weaknesses but who have an extraordinary job, she thinks they and their pageantry should be supported because at the end of the day it makes sense not to have the nation focusing too much on a “King” Tony or “Queen” Cherie.

Or “King” David and “Queen” Samantha.

To get to the point……..

David and Samantha Cameron presumably have been invited because of the pageantry aspect rather than as personal friends of the couple.

There will however be many personal friends of the couple invited to the wedding. Some will probably be former students from St Andrews, some may be members of the armed forces. Some of them will belong to the super-rich of society. Some may be quite poor. They can choose to wear a lounge suit to the wedding and that seems entirely sensible given that they are personal friends and may not be able to afford a top hat and tails or they may feel it a bit OTT to get dressed up in this for the wedding of their friends.

But for those who have been invited in order to contribute to the pageantry, then we expect you to do “The Action for Happiness” thing for one day and give all of yourself to The Pageantry.

Just for a day.

Is that too much to ask?

Apparently David Cameron is setting the fashion scene for the political class by choosing to wear a lounge suit. For all we know, it might creep into a ridiculous pyjama man uniform with striped shirt, no tie and a suit. After all it is a kind of holiday.

The Witch Doctor sympathises with a man who had to be laced into the weird Etonian uniform every day of his school life. He may well as a consequence now have the most awful repulsion towards top hats and tails. Nevertheless, you, Dave, are probably only invited to The Wedding in order that you contribute to The Pageantry, so a lounge suite or pyjamas SIMPLY WILL NOT DO.

Fortunately, we witches have the solution. You wear full highland regalia. You are a Cameron after all. Be proud of it. Just like The Oldest Sage Witch’s Highland Granny who will, of course, be attending The Wedding on her broomstick. She will be invisible of course, but nevertheless, she will wear The Tartan of the Clan MacKay!

There are many Cameron tartans to choose from, Prime Minister. One of them will surely bring out the colour of your eyes.

And for pities sake buy a hat for Samantha. Hats and pageantry go together!

wordpress stats Here is the hat The Witch Doctor will be wearing to The Wedding.



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  1. It starts with not dressing for dinner and ends with taking drugs, as someone once said. I think David should just accept that he’s a toff and dress as one. It’s better to be disliked for what you are than be despised for trying to be what you’re not..

    • People should be proud of their past and what they have learned from it, or if they are not, learn to live with it. By taking the stance that he will “change” the dress of politicians at Royal Weddings he has drawn public attention to his Bullingdon Club image and apparently he doesn’t want to do that. Bad judgement on his part, I fear.

  2. […] extravagance during hard times. I think it could be classified as a hat, My Black Cat. After all, we requested that her husband bought her a hat for the wedding. He would not dare to ignore a witch and her […]

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