Posted by: Witch Doctor | October 31, 2011

Greedy vet. Professional vet.


You had a strange dream?

You have many strange dreams My Black Cat. What was this one about?

Well, it started off with a single ewe just before the lambing season. She was pregnant with twins and every day made her way to the back door of the farmhouse and bleated incessantly.

It was cold outside.

Before long, the whole flock of sheep, being sheep, followed her to the back door and all bleated incessantly in unison.

Then the same thing started at night, so day and night there was continuous bleating outside the farmhouse. The sheep developed some kind of rota so that some slept while they others were bleating, so they did not become sleep deprived.

The farmer, his wife and children became very sleep deprived and none of the work on the farm got done properly.

Eventually, the farmer had to send for The Sheep Whisperer to find out what it was that the sheep wanted.

The Sheep Whisperer had some bad news for the farmer.

The sheep were fed up rolling about in pain outside in the cold during the lambing season. They all wanted Caesarian Sections in a warm, comfy operating theatre.

The farmer was dismayed, so he called in The Vet.

The Vet said sheep should have a choice in the way their lambs were brought into the world, and so he would book them all in for elective sections.

Now, The Farmer was a wise man and quite frugal too. He was damned if he was going to pay the vet’s bill for all these Caesarian Sections. He was aware The Vet, in the name of “sheep choice,” would become very rich while he, The Farmer, would become very poor. There was after all, no National Sheep Health Service. If he had to fork out the money and avoid becoming poor, the cost of lamb and wool would go through the roof and no-one would buy it. Eventually no farmer would farm sheep. The butchers would not buy lamb, and wool would not be sheared.

Sheep would become extinct.

Extinct. Apart form the National Collection of Sheep kept in a zoo.

So he called in another vet.

The Second Vet said the whole idea of letting healthy sheep decide to choose Caeserian Section for themselves as a mode of delivery was ridiculous. He explained the risks of anaesthesia, wound infection, a scarred uterus and a whole host of other medical and ethical reasons that the farmer didn’t understand.

Furthermore, The Vet said that, since sheep are sheep, soon every pregnant ewe in the country would be demanding a CS and there would not be enough vets available to cope with the demand, and eventually all The Farmers themselves would need to learn how to do the surgery and anaesthesia themselves.

The Sheep Whisperer was then called back to explain all these complications to the bleating sheep.

Fortunately sheep are not stupid. They understood what the Sheep Whisperer was telling them. They stopped bleating morning, noon and night and went back to their fields where they delivered their perfect little twins and triplets without any fuss. Only the occasional sheep required a Caesarian Section for medical reasons.

And so The First Vet did not become so rich that he could retire after a year or too.

The Second Vet continued happily with his practice as before.

The farmer did not go bust and continued to tend his sheep.

The price of lamb and wool did not go through the roof.

Sheep did not become extinct.

And we still see lambs gambolling in the fields every spring.

That was quite a strange dream, My Black Cat. I wonder if you are having some kind of premonition or something?

redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

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