Posted by: Witch Doctor | May 30, 2012

Strike Action : The Witch Doctor’s modus operandi

What on earth is the medical profession playing at, My Black Cat?

Why on earth would the public care about doctors’ pensions?

They are striking over the wrong thing in the wrong way at the wrong time!

Stupid, stupid doctors!

They have missed the boat!

It seems a good time to reiterate The Witch Doctor’s views on industrial action within the medical PROFESSION.

Eh My Black Cat?

Q. Has the Witch Doctor ever gone on strike or participated in any type of industustrial action involving the medical profession?
A. No

Q. Would The Witch Doctor ever go on strike if the circumstances and cause were right?
A. Yes

Q. In some circumstances, would The Witch Doctor be prepared to go on strike over pensions or any monetary matter affecting herself or other doctors?
A. No

Q In some circumstances, would The Witch Doctor be prepared to go on strike over an attack on the principles that have underpinned the NHS?
A. Yes

Q. What form would the strike take?
A. It would not be a one day strike. It would last for ever. It would cut out all the faffing about that doctors have allowed to be imposed upon them. This would involve much committee work, much reading of documents, all appraisal related work, much useless personal development exercises. Most tick box forms would be shredded.  It would involve a refusal to take part in many activities that were designed to be a preamble to privatisation of the NHS e.g patient referral centres to name but one.

It would probably involve shutting down all emails – they are now abused and that abuse is leading a huge waste of staff time (and therefore public money) within the NHS, as well as a means of bullying staff into “doing things now because what I’m doing now is more important that what you’re doing now!”

There would be much, much more.

Q. Would patients benefit from this industrial action?
A. Yes. The time saved would be spent on direct patient care. Ensuring each patient knew and had met their consultant as part of a proper consultant delivered service. Ensuring proper time was given to the problems of individual patients. Ensuring a proper relationship with nursing staff. Ensuring patients in the wards did not go un-fed and un-watered.  Ensuring a proper relationship between GPs and the patients they refer. Ensuring proper time spent with trainees. And much more.

The definition of “proper” would be The Witch Doctor’s, not the governments.

In addition, time spent gathering stupid and contrived material in order to sell yourself so that “appraisal” and, in future, revalidation “goes well,” would be spent on “proper” continuing professional development. The kind of professional development that not only makes you a safe doctor but the very best you can be. This time would be spent only on worthwhile personal development relative to The Witch Doctor’s own personal knowledge and deficiencies. For example little time would be spent on “soft skills” such as “communication skills,” or “how and when to smile at patients” skills, or attending courses on the best way to broach patients on very private matters such as how they want their lives to end or whether they have a gambling habit. The Witch Doctor thinks she knows very well how, when, and if it is appropriate to broach these very personal concerns during the doctor – patient relationship. Further more she received no formal training on these cuddly, caring matters. She certainly would not agree to obediently follow some kind of “payment by results” protocol.

In addition, time used to fill up “begging” documents such as application for discretionary points, merit awards, distinction awards, platinum, gold, silver, carbon, uranium or tin clinical excellence awards or whatever ever-changing name is given to these “obedience bonuses” would be transferred to direct patient care.

Witches don’t beg.

Even if it means they will never be rich.

Witches and doctors will always earn enough to buy the mince.

There are other kinds of riches.

Oh, and by the way, The Witch Doctor’s modus operandi would also be to ignore all the guff currently being distributed on revalidation by Niall Dickson, Chief Executive and Registrar of the General Medical Council, (and expert in Tony Blair and the other Tony’s Third Way politics).

As she said recently somewhere else on the blogosphere:

“With revalidation and appraisal on their way what better approach is there than the dumb insolence of getting out fags and lighter?”

……….

Hey, there’s a much better way than this type of life shortening dumb insolence!

Niall Dickson, expert in the politics of the “Third Way” of Tony 1 and Tony 2 has recently sent a letter asking all of us doctors to get ready for revalidation by “making our connection.” They need us to confirm our “designated body.”

We witches are not into confirming our designated bodies to anyone least of all Mr Dickson so doubtless we will pass on this one resulting in the NHS being bereft of Witch Doctors.

The Witch Doctor appreciates that this will sound like gobbledygook to all non-medical readers, but medical practitioners will know exactly what she is talking about because they too will have received the call.

They will also appreciate that by mentioning this The Witch Doctor is trying hard to cast a very difficult spell on all of them.

In the meantime, if you are confused about the reference to The Third Way, here is some more information.

TONY 1 AND TONY 2

The Witch Doctor – Link to a random page

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LINK TO UK MISSING KIDS WEBSITE

LINK TO MISSING PERSONS WEBSITE

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© Dlundin | Dreamstime.com


Responses

  1. Dear WD,

    I will also not be striking. I have no faith in the security of my pension with the government so have stored up my treasure to live on when the government defaults on this commitment. I have no faith in the promises of any politician not to Salami slice it some more.

    My dumb insolence extends to revalidation also. One of my distinguished colleagues at a hospital seminar on revalidation asked the straightforward question “What is the bare minimum that I have to do to revalidate? I do not want to waste any more time than I have to!” It was the only question that the audience wanted a straight answer to, we are not alone.

    Dumb truculent insolence to make the management machine as non-functional as possible is the workers best defence.

    Dr Phil

  2. Darn, you beat me to it WD. When you think of all that has gone on for the past year and a half with the Health and Social Care Bill, and they couldn’t strike about that, but can strike for pensions. I really want to shake them. Not how to make friends and influence people at all.

    Ps Your ‘designated bodies’ comment reminded me of one of the best put downs my friend heard from the secretary in their work. A guy with a good figure and a better opinion of himself said to her as he went out to lunch, ‘I’m just going out to sell my body.’

    ‘Try medical science,’ she said, without looking up.

  3. Dr Phil, there are several ways of addressing some of the stupid activities being imposed on doctors nowadays and The Witch Doctor over the years has tried some of them. You don’t even need to be insolent either – you can be an apparent willing participator and beam smiles everywhere as you over-conform magnificently and crazily to the ridiculous demands. Then, without warning, the demands suddenly stop. This technique or your “Dumb truculent insolence” might work with revalidation but I think saying “no, get lost” would be a better technique to use in this instance. “No” is easy to understand. Some of the other techniques are too subtle and will pass by those in power nowadays.

    MBC says just shake them whenever you get the opportunity Julie, and don’t feel bad about it!


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