Posted by: Witch Doctor | May 18, 2011

Mark Britnell : The Scream!

Mr Britnell, are you out there?

You say there is a huge unprecendented economic challenge facing the NHS. It requires 15-20% efficiency savings (about £20billion) in the five years from 2009. You also say there is not a hope in hell of meeting these efficiency challenges unless we work, think, act and behave in a different way.

We witches are not at all sure what you mean specifically by this “different way.”

You say your life has been saved by the NHS, so then, please consider how best to save a witch’s life, bearing in mind that is often stated that two of the biggest challenges facing the NHS are an ageing population and the health problems that accompany this, and the increasing expectations of patients regarding their healthcare.

What if patient expectations regarding healthcare rocket even further?

Read on:

This letter dropped into the Witch Doctor’s mailbox box during The Witching Hour:

“Dear Auntie Witch Doctor,

Is this a loada’ guff?

from

Your Beloved Ever-Questioning Witch Niece”

……………….

That’s all it said.

But there was also an enclosure:

……………….

“SCREAMING LIFE LINE
AT
CRAPAORTA HEALTH CLUB

Date:

The Witch Niece’s Name
The Witch Niece’s Address
The Witch Niece’s Postal Code

Dear Ms Witch,

We are inviting you to participate in a simple, potentially lifesaving screaming to assess your risk for stroke, abdominal aortic aneurysms and other vascular diseases. Appointments are now being booked for ……. June at Crapaorta Health Club, ………

Screaming Life Line’s ultrasound technology can determine your risk for cardiovascular disease, which is the number one cause of death in the United Kingdom and Ireland for both men and women. While scheduled checkups with your doctor are valuable, it is a fact that ultrasound is a superior and more accurate appraoch to screening potential victims of aortic aneurysms – and can visualise the buildup of deposits that can trigger a stroke.

I encourage you to read the enclosed information about Screaming Life Line. We have screamed more than 6,000,000 individuals globally, and more than 175,000 in the UK and Ireland.

Save £101 when you book our suggested screaming package today. Individually, each screaming is £60.

We perform 4 painless screamings for Stroke, Vascular Diseases and Heart Rhythm for £139. When you choose our package you can also add an Osteoporosis Risk Assessment for £10.00 more (normally £35.00).

These screamings are non-invasive, completely comfortable, and take only a little more that one hour. Socks and shoes are the only clothes that are removed.

Please take this important opportunity to verify your good health. We are coming to Crapaorta Health Club in your area for one day only and appointments are limited, so call ££££ $$$ £$£$ now.

Yours truly,

Berry Turdette BS, RDMS, RVT

Director of Clinical Operations

P.S. You can get peace of mind with this screaming. Call ££££ $$$ £$£$ today.

P.P.S. Ask about our brand new Heart Disease Risk Assessment when you call. This gives an appraisal of your 10-year risks from coronary heart disease using the Internationally acclaimed “Framingham” model. It also incorporates checks for preventable diabetes and a “lipid profile.” If you have a high score, this can be reviewed with your NHS G.P. so preventive steps can be takn to reduce your risks.

PRIORITY CODE: FFUG-£££”

What does RVT stand for My Black Cat?

Registered Veterinary Technician, maybe?

Surely not! Look, My Black Cat there’s more on the other side of the paper:

“Screaming Life Line Ltd uses only advanced colorflow ultrasound technology and experienced, highly skilled technologists. Screaming results are sent to you within 21 days.

Screaming Life Line is dedicated to providing the highest quality imaging technology at an affordable rate. Our mission is to make people aware of an potential health problem and encourage them to seek follow-up care with their physician. By working in partnership with you and your GP,  Screaming Life Line offers a convenient, affordable, confidential and accurate way for men and women to monitor their health. If a significant finding is noted through the screaming process, you will take your report right to your GP who can then order further testing and give consideration for treatment.”

Appropriate modification of stroke risk factors (including high blood pressure, smoking,heart disease, diabetes and poor diet) is also necessary for stroke prevention. Our screamings cannot dectect all forms of stroke and do not result in medical diagnosis or replace regular contact or follow-up with your GP.

“Cheques and credit cards accepted when you pre-register by phone. Additional fee of £3.00 may apply without pre-payment. You may cancel your appointment at any time and receive a full refund by calling the number above.”

Do you get the gist, Mr Britnell?”

Screaming Life Line indicate they are workng in partnership with this young witch niece of mine and her GP who due to the fact she is in her thirties has a low risk of any of these conditions.

Is her NHS General Practitioner aware of this partnership that apparently may save her life?

Did he/she agree to it? What will it cost the NHS when all the patients in the practice demand express their choice to have further annual assessments and investigations on the NHS to ensure these scary conditions are not developing? How does the GP cope with the worried well that are not at all reassured by Screaming Life Line’s approach?

What will that cost the NHS?

Mr Britnell, think Bottled Water!

If The Humankind have higher expectations regarding healthcare than they used to have, what do you suppose might exacerbate that further?

Unfortunately since many are gullible, anxious, or susceptible to The Creep that health marketeeers are such experts in perpetuating, what will be the consequence of promoting the marketplace in healthcare? We witches think we have a possible answer. Some clients will become the worried well and others will become real patients because they are so obsessed by their health, their tests and their pills. How then can treatment continue to be free at the point of use since these clients-cum-patients will push the NHS bill even higher?

What will happen then, Mr Britnell?

What will happen to those true patients whose lives need to be saved because they are seriously ill and require costly treatment?

What will happen to them when The Market Place is in full swing?

And it screams?

LINK TO MY BLACK CAT’S INTERTWINGLEMENT BLOG

LINK TO WITCH DOCTOR’S INTERTWINGLEMENT BLOG

redapple.jpg a red apple ……………………

The Witch Doctor – Link to a random page

_________________________________________________

LINK TO UK MISSING KIDS WEBSITE

LINK TO MISSING PERSONS WEBSITE

_________________________________________________

© Dlundin | Dreamstime.com


Responses

  1. […] MARKETPLACE NUMBER 5 TRULY PRIVATE INDEPENDENT HEALTHCARE These are the private providers that are more or less detached from the NHS. They will NOT normally carry the NHS Kitemark although they may do from time to time. Clients, patients and customers may choose to use these markets but they will normally pay for them out of their own pockets or separate insurance. However, it is likely that the activities of the fifth market will be selective and will in various ways introduce an extra burden of patient care into into the NHS. […]

  2. […] And this […]

  3. […] MARKETPLACE NUMBER 5 TRULY PRIVATE INDEPENDENT HEALTHCARE These are the private providers that are more or less detached from the NHS. They will NOT normally carry the NHS Kitemark although they may do from time to time. Clients, patients and customers may choose to use these markets but they will normally pay for them out of their own pockets or separate insurance. However, it is likely that the activities of the fifth market will be selective and will in various ways introduce an extra burden of patient care into into the NHS. […]


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